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"Satire & Editorial"
Annual Report — Really, really pretty paper. Really, really bad news.
Executive Leadership Team — CWTFO’s
Filing Chapter 11 – Dear Wall Street, All is cool with us. Only little change is we just realized it is wayyyyy easier not to pay our bills.
“Not that I [...]
#1) Not married? You will be. Married? You won’t be.
#2) Sleeping is for pussies and/or for those who don’t feel like paying for one.
#3) Two nights expenses? A teeny, teeny bit more than the GDP of Gambia.
#4) Dear Mexico, We know you have [...]
A short list of workplace terms and definitions to help you hit the ground running in demonstrating and leveraging your value add.
Due diligence — All in favor say ‘Aye’?
“I think we need to take a step back.” — Dear Project Team, Welcome to ‘Operation Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda, Ain’t Eva Gonna Happen.’
Commute — [...]
#1) 99% of our population — male, 0% of our population — sober.
#2*) Seven miles wide, 5400 acres deep, 3,000 onesie sightings per day.
#3) Cost of pizza at Two Elks Lodge = $4/slice + the 6000% eat here or choose to starve tax.
#4) Sit back and relax — your entire vacation is [...]
A short list of workplace terms and definitions to help you hit the ground running in demonstrating and leveraging your value add.
“For now, let’s put that idea in the parking lot.” — “How about we bury that thought right over here in ‘The Dumb Fucking Idea Graveyard’?”
Internal Communications — Intended to inform employees [...]
#1. Texting while driving? Totally illegal. Crafting emails, entering 89 numbers to dial into a conference call and updating your Facebook status? All good.
#2. The shoulder of the road? Never driven on. Close the shoulder of the road? Traffic backed up for 6 miles.
#3. The school across the street from my house? Never [...]
A short list of workplace terms and their unspoken definitions to help you get the inside track on demonstrating and leveraging your value add (or something like that).
“You should take that offline.” – Could you shut your yapper? Like now.
cc: — Don’t say I didn’t tell you so.
Legal – [...]
#1. If you don’t have to go snorkeling for dinner and/or worry about your children stepping on landmines on their way home from school — allow yourself to be (a little) ripped off by those who do.
#2. Do you see people in urban environments in your own country wearing wicking shirts, pants that zip [...]
Recently I nominated Lucia De Giovanni and her Life Project for an $1100 photo package from the Zack Arias “Give the Gift of Encouragement” Contest. Of the over 500 entries — this is one of ten selected. What was submitted re: Lucia’s badassness can be read below.
……………….
I write this from the coffee shop [...]
Dear Qdoba Human Resource Homeys,
I am hoping in between Conflict Management training and prepping performance plans you could let me in on something.
Over the last say, 6 or 7 years, I have visited many of your “Mexican” “grills” scattered throughout the Denver Metro Area. In a pinch, hung over out of my mind [...]
A short list of workplace terms and definitions to help you hit the ground running in demonstrating and leveraging your value add.
Managing Expectations — You know that thing you want? You aren’t getting it. Ever.
Cut-Backs — Bye, bye free bagel Friday
Team Building –- Guess whose ass is going bowling?
In Late – [...]
A short list of workplace terms and definitions to help you hit the ground running in demonstrating and leveraging your value add.
BCC: See the shit I have to deal with??
Compliance – An entire department dedicated to monitoring the shredder.
Conflict of Interest – A policy that states “Hey Mr. CEO Guy, You know [...]
A year ago today was the last full day of my dad’s life. When he woke up that morning he had no idea this day would be his last. My dad did not die from a long-term or terminal illness. He died in a terrible accident – while on vacation.
This picture of me [...]
Hey Dude,
First things first – nice work landing the Starbucks gig. That will undoubtedly look stellar on the CV come graduation time. Much better than schlocking pizza slices all summer, wouldn’t you say? You will have to find a nifty way to spin “Spent whole summer cutting and pasting customer feedback into an Excel spreadsheet”, [...]
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