#1) 99% of our population — male, 0% of our population — sober.

#2) Seven miles wide, 5400 acres deep, 3,000 onesie sightings per day.

#3) Cost of pizza at Two Elks Lodge = $4/slice + the 6000% eat here or choose to starve tax.

#4) Sit back and relax — your entire vacation is being facilitated by bunch of dudes who went to prom last year.

#5) Lo siento mucho visitantes de Estados Unidos, pero no hay nadie aqui habla Ingles.

#6)  Hey Whistler! How about stickin’ it where the sun don’t shine…which would…er…be pretty much anywhere over there, ay?

#7)  Want snow? Come here. Want a place to park? Go to Keystone.

#8) Come for the mountain, stay for the 2 am East Vail bus.

#9) The highest lifties in North America.

#10) Dear Summit County,  Feel free to swing on over and kiss our bowls.